What should I do after leaving the military?
Whether stepping onto those yellow feet in Parris Island or stepping off the bus in Great Lakes for BootCamp, your time in the service will eventually end, and then what?
We’ve all heard the expression “the (branch of service) is what you make it,” so assuming you did all the right things while you were in, like go to college, get your finances in order, and learn an abundance of life skills, how do you make sure you continue your momentum on the civilian side?
If you’re a veteran, about to get out, or thinking of getting out, here are four things to consider after you leave the military.
Your Routine is Now Your Responsibility
On day 1 of being out of the military, no alarm clock goes off for morning muster, and no Staff NCOs are waiting for you at the 6 am morning PT run. Unless you’ve already started a job, today, for the first time in years, you have nowhere to be before sunrise, which can be liberating and daunting. No more superiors are accountable for your attendance, behavior, or physical fitness now that these responsibilities have been relinquished to you. From here on out, the decisions you make are your own, and there is the choice to relish sleeping in and skipping those early morning runs. Try growing a beard and skipping the weekly haircuts; why? Because why not.
However, I’ve been there, and I’m here to report that it’s much easier to keep that solid momentum going than it was to pick it back up again.
Instead, I recommend holding the line, losing those high and tight haircuts, but continuing with the early wake-ups; even if you have nothing planned, go for a walk or hit the gym. Keep up the daily workouts and runs as if your life depended on them because it does.
You see, one of the things being silently woven into our DNA while we’re in the service is the need for discipline, structure, and struggle. We don’t realize it while we are in, but once we leave the military, if we let that structure and discipline fall away, it is easy to let feelings of frustration or depression enter.
So number 1 is to keep up the gift the military gave you in structure, discipline, and physical fitness for the emotional rollercoaster that being a veteran can sometimes be. This will be your bedrock, your foundation.
Evaluate Your Circle
Once you’re out, another significant change is the large group of men and women you came to expect to be around every day will fall away. This might be replaced by the college or workplace environment, but the dynamic and camaraderie are unmatched. This will be an important time to determine if the people around you are healthy and aligned with the person you want to be and where you want to go in life. Think of the men or women you admired and looked up to while in or the people in the field you wish to pursue as a civilian. Reach out and talk to them, be vulnerable, and try to evaluate every day if the people around you are adding or taking away from the pursuit of your potential.
Think of Therapy as a Coach
When we played sports, how did we improve as children or teenagers? We received the observation, feedback, and guidance of a coach who understood the game. If you’ve never thought about therapy or attending our breathwork events or coaching, look at it like a professional who can help you genuinely understand and alter your behavior to maximize performance. As we go through life, we don’t have all the answers, and leaving the military can illicit a grieving process that comes with the loss of identity or career. Being proactive with therapy and staying on top of your mental game as you transition out can put you well ahead of the competition and help you show up daily as your best self.
Find your Vision and Purpose
Listen to your inner voice. Have the faith to act on it to narrow down your true life purpose, and follow the daily actions that light you up.
As I left the Navy, I felt a massive loss of identity and was unsure what my future would hold. Finally, I realized my true purpose was to help others in pain and help them heal from the wounds I have felt and healed from so far in my life. Then I had to sit down and think about what that vision would look like and how I could start to create this life for myself. So whether you are counting down the days to your DD 214 or have been out for a while, an essential thing to help you gain peace and joy in life is figuring out your true purpose and then acting on it. People may try to discourage you but quiet your mind, trust your inner voice, and have the faith to act on what you believe are the right moves to make, for we all know that a ship without a destination will drift endlessly. We know our days are numbered, so we should work to make a life and not a living.
